Thursday, August 22, 2013

Running, Capes, and Super Powers

If you ever dreamed of having super powers, start running.  Start running and never stop.

Alarm sounds at 4:35.  Roll over.  Pick up phone.  Squint my eyes together just enough to see the button to turn that dreadful sound off.  Open Facebook and squint even harder to find some motivational quotes that were posted during the past 12 hours that might encourage me to get up.  Literally roll out of bed, letting my feet hit the floor first and gingerly walking to the bathroom, careful to let my knees "crack" before taking real steps.  Go through the bathroom routine, find my running clothes on the floor where I left them the night before so I could be as quiet as possible, throw them on and stumble down the stairs.  Grab my watch off the counter and hit "mode", "run", "outside" in hopes the stupid thing will actually find a satellite before I start running.  Sit on the couch, tie my shoes and pet the dog until the clock says 4:57.  Then, it's time to walk out the door, through my neighbor's yards to the bike trail to meet my friend and finally run.  The running is the easy part.  Right leg, left leg, right leg, left leg, breath in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out, stay in a straight line, keep eyes open, don't fall, right leg, left leg, breathe in, breath out.  Repeat for 40 minutes.

I don't know why I ever try to talk myself out of those morning runs.  As soon as the run is over, I feel alive.  I have a little hop in my step and there is a smile in my voice.  Running brings a joy that lets me truly appreciate and enjoy the rest of my day.  Hard things seem easier, challenges seem conquerable, and limits seem to disappear.  I almost want to wear a cape on days I run.  In fact, I think everyone should wear a cape after they run.  That way we know each other and we can smile, high five, fist bump, chest bump....whatever the moment calls for.  Whatever can keep that momentum going for the rest of the day.

I claimed I couldn't run a marathon because I couldn't make time for the amount of training that it requires.  I called myself out on my own excuse.  What else am I going to do between 4:30am and 6 am?  Sleep?  Nah...sleeping doesn't give me super powers.  Someone find me a cape, because at the end of this training, I'm going to wear that thing everywhere I go, just to remind myself that excuses are lame.  Every time I try to make an excuse for something, my cape will remind me how much fun life is when you live without excuses and just go for it.  Super heroes don't make excuses.  They do what is right and they do it without reservation.  Running feels so right for me right now.  Cape or no cape, I have super powers.

Monday, August 5, 2013

Marathon Training Day 1

Today officially started my marathon training for my first marathon in December.  My alarm usually goes off at 4:35 for morning runs, but today, I was wide awake and ready at 4:30.  Not exactly sure how long this "excitement" will last, but for now, I'm enjoying having something to focus on.  I like schedules.  I like plans.  I like knowing what I'm expected to do and when.  I'm very much a Type A, control freak.  With that in mind, you can see why training for a marathon is what I'm using as a mental release from those things which I have no control over.  Somewhat sick.....somewhat brilliant....100% what I need right now. 

As I begin this new adventure, I realize I must acknowledge my feelings about not having another baby.  Since registering for the marathon and actually committing to it, I have found myself more calm.  I'm able to talk about it without wanting to cry or hit something.  Yes, there is still a sadness there and yes I prefer not to talk about it, but I can if I need to. I'm not "over it" and I'm not sure I will ever be completely over that, but I do feel more like myself with each passing day.  My runs feel better, my attitude is better, and I'm enjoying just being a family of three and not obsessing over trying to get pregnant.  For me, that is a huge step....more like a hurdle.  So for now, I'll take it.  I'll enjoy each new day a little more, accept the setbacks, and open my mind and heart a little bit more to let the healing continue.