Today officially started my marathon training for my first marathon in December. My alarm usually goes off at 4:35 for morning runs, but today, I was wide awake and ready at 4:30. Not exactly sure how long this "excitement" will last, but for now, I'm enjoying having something to focus on. I like schedules. I like plans. I like knowing what I'm expected to do and when. I'm very much a Type A, control freak. With that in mind, you can see why training for a marathon is what I'm using as a mental release from those things which I have no control over. Somewhat sick.....somewhat brilliant....100% what I need right now.
As I begin this new adventure, I realize I must acknowledge my feelings about not having another baby. Since registering for the marathon and actually committing to it, I have found myself more calm. I'm able to talk about it without wanting to cry or hit something. Yes, there is still a sadness there and yes I prefer not to talk about it, but I can if I need to. I'm not "over it" and I'm not sure I will ever be completely over that, but I do feel more like myself with each passing day. My runs feel better, my attitude is better, and I'm enjoying just being a family of three and not obsessing over trying to get pregnant. For me, that is a huge step....more like a hurdle. So for now, I'll take it. I'll enjoy each new day a little more, accept the setbacks, and open my mind and heart a little bit more to let the healing continue.