In three days, I will run the race I have been training for since August. I feel strong. I feel ready. I'm excited to run in the woods of Bloomington for hours on end. I realize I have not posted since my 14 miler in the pouring rain in early October. It's been almost two months and so much has happened, yet it flew by.
I turned 33. I ran 3 ridges for a 21 mile training run and survived. I think I hallucinated during my 18 miler. I claimed to hate running...more than once. I cried. I laughed. I woke up a few times sore in places I didn't even know could get sore. I got a blister bigger than one of my toes. I learned why Sports Shield is a necessity. I fell in love all over again when my husband let me stay on the couch for an entire Sunday after a really hard run. I let myself cry. I let myself be sad.
Of all the things that happened over the past few months, that last one is probably the most important. I've always put on a brave face. I'm not one to ask for help. I'm not one to let go of control very easily. Allowing myself to feel sad and be OK with that, was a milestone.
No one likes to feel sad. It's just not a good feeling. What I learned along the way though, was how you react to that sadness that matters. Just because you let yourself feel the sadness, does not make you a walking pity party. Instead, it made me 100% more grateful for the people and experiences I do have in my life. Instead of allowing the sadness to overtake me, I decided to overcome it.
You can't truly live life if you are always thinking about those things which you do not have. You can't enjoy the little moments if you constantly wish it was a different scenario.
I decided to pay more attention to the little details and the moments and just enjoy them. I spent the past 20 days compiling a list of the people that have helped inspire, motivate, and encourage me through this training. Each of them played a part in not only getting me through the training, but also helping me through what has been one of the most difficult transitions of my life so far.
Four months ago, I wasn't sure if I could do this. In three days, I will cross that finish line. There is no doubt in my mind. I am going to enjoy every minute of that race...every hill, every stone, every cold breeze. I'm going to enjoy it because I never imagined I would be there and for that, I am forever grateful.