Monday, September 8, 2014
No one is perfect. No One. In the pursuit of perfection, one will ultimately end up frustrated and unfulfilled. There is no reason to strive for perfection. I encourage the pursuit of happiness and self love. If you have the ability to love yourself, you will find true happiness. You will be able to love greater, enjoy more, and let go of what you can't control.
Take a look at what you dislike in your life, whether it is your weight, your job, your car, etc. What would make you happy? If you lost 5 pounds? If you didn't have to work? If you drove a fancy car? Picture yourself happy. What does that look like? I can't do it. I don't know how to draw a picture of myself happy. Being truly happy comes from an emotional state of enjoying a moment in time...forgetting whatever is bothering me...letting go of those things I can not control. If I picture myself 5 pounds lighter, I'm not happier, I'm just thinner. If I want to be happy, I would be listening to my husband tell my daughter a bed time story. I would be watching my sister laugh with my niece at the beach. I would see my best friend running in the dunes alongside me.
I spent a large part of my life wishing I was skinnier. No matter how much weight I would lose, I was never happier. Ever. There was always something more I could do. About 3 years ago, I decided I wanted to be a good role model for my daughter when it came to being healthy. I changed my diet - by not dieting. I choose to eat whole foods for the most part and eating less than healthy foods in moderation. I don't comment about my body unless it is in a positive way (as much as possible). I do not use the words skinny, fat, chubby, etc. to talk about my or my daughter's body. I use the words strong, healthy, and beautiful. Our bodies are beautiful. Every single one of them, no matter what size. If you think about how they work and the amazing systems that control our movements, our digestion, healing processes, and growth....it's a miracle and should be looked at with awe, not judgment. I focused on what would make me happier - being a healthy role model for my daughter and stopped obsessing over my own body image. What happened after that was amazing. I started enjoying things more. I felt more alive. My relationship improved with my husband. Parties became more enjoyable. I started to listen more. I started to live more.
Don't get me wrong, I am a woman and I still have my insecurities. But, knowing that they do not define who I am helps me get out of a funk much faster than before. I still have days when I don't like my outfit or how I look in the mirror. It's those days that I must remind myself that I am beautiful on the inside and out. I have a kind heart and a desire to help others. My body does not reflect who I am. In the past, if I left the house not liking my reflection in the mirror, it would affect my entire day. I was probably not the nicest person to everyone, not because of them, but because of what I was feeling about myself. I make a conscious effort to give myself a pep talk if I find I'm not loving that person in the mirror. I tell myself the exact opposite of what I'm feeling. And it helps. We really are our worst critics and we shouldn't be. We should be our greatest supporter. We should be reminding ourselves how great we are each and every day. Not in a self-absorbed, cocky way, but in an encouraging, self-loving way. If you don't love yourself, how can anyone else?
I know this post a little bit all over the place, which in reality, is probably the most true representation of who I am. My goal in writing this was to encourage those that do not understand how much damage they are doing to not only themselves, but to those around them by pursuing happiness through a quantitative goal. Happiness cannot be measured by any one thing. Being skinnier, having more money, having the nicest car....none of it will equal happiness. How you treat yourself will directly start to impact how you treat others and have more of an effect on your happiness than anything else. At least in my opinion and experience.
Life does not always follow the path that we thought we would walk down. In fact, sometimes, the greatest gifts will result from some of our darkest days. If you never learn to let go of those demons and start living, you may miss the one thing that makes the rest of your life complete. Take a deep breath, open your mind and allow yourself to just live and be who you are. Accept yourself, accept your most annoying traits and embrace your best qualities. I leave you with a challenge. I challenge you to tell yourself one positive thing in the mirror every morning before you leave the house for one month straight. See what happens. It can be the same thing or you can change it daily based on what you need to hear. Tell yourself what you wish your spouse, your kids, or your friends would say to you. Send me an email and let me know if it changed anything. Good luck!
Monday, May 12, 2014
Sure, I have a diagnosis: Premature Ovarian Failure. FAILURE is what I think my brain always saw when I would type those words in the google search bar. Failure is what most women tend to feel like when they find themselves with an empty womb over time.
There were days that I felt so alone, I wanted to stay in bed. There were days I felt so full of rage, I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. There were days I felt such a wave of unbearable sadness, I just wanted to lock myself in the laundry room. There were days, I'd spend every spare moment I had "searching" for answers. Searching for a reason why.
Why did this happen? Why was I able to have Lyla so easily and now I'm told my time has passed. Why? Why can't I give her a sibling? Why? Why? Why? Ugh. I hate that question. Because, in all honesty, I will most likely never have my answer. I have my own hypotheses of why, but nothing I can prove.
So, now what? I had the idea to run a marathon to take my focus off trying to have another baby. It actually did help. I'm not sure if it's the time that has elapsed or that all those miles truly did heal my heart, but for the most part, I'm better each day.
What still eats at me, and the reason I'm writing this, is that there are so many women that I now know personally that are dealing with infertility and it breaks my heart. So here is my advice for those that are currently going through any kind of fertility issue and what I wish I would have known two years ago.
1. Love your partner. In the end, no matter what the outcome, your partner will still be there...if you are lucky. Love them with all of your heart and nurture that relationship. If you are feeling alone, chances are, he/she is feeling the same. Focus on the love you have for one another...and not on what you are missing.
2. Make plans. I went so many months saying "no" to things, just in case I got pregnant. You know what...if you get pregnant, you will figure it out later. You'll either change your plans or just continue on pregnant. Let's face it...if you get pregnant, will you really be "upset" about having to go on vacation or to a party with a cute little baby bump?
3. Love yourself. It's not your fault. I don't care what you ate, what medicine you took, what activities you have done in the past. Infertility is not your fault. Don't beat yourself up. You should, in fact, be doing the opposite. Tell yourself every morning that you are beautiful and strong. Look in the mirror and say it. And mean it. The more you believe it's your fault, the more you feel badly about yourself and the more stress you put yourself under. You ARE beautiful and strong and infertility is NOT your fault. Period.
4. Cry. Let yourself feel what you feel without shame. If you are sad, be sad. If you let your emotions build up and do not acknowledge them, they will consume you. You are allowed to be sad. You are allowed to have a good time and laugh. In every way you can, just be true and honest and allow yourself those moments. Share them with the ones you love already. Ask for hugs when you need them. Infertility is a very lonely place at times and many people will not understand that unless you ask for help.
That's it. That's my advice. I wish someone would have told me these things. Or maybe they did, I just didn't really listen. I know it's definitely easier to give the advice than to follow it, but try. You don't have to train for a marathon in order to get through it either. You'll figure it out...someday. Just know that someday doesn't have to be today.
Thursday, March 20, 2014
Not only are my pants a bit snug (let's be honest, they are beyond snug... I have a permanent indent from my waistband in my stomach) but I'm not myself. I'm lacking energy, craving bad foods, and worrying too much about little things. I kept telling myself that once the weather breaks, I'll snap out of it. Excuse number one. I figured once we move the office, I'll get back on track. Excuse number two. I believed that once the farmer's markets are back up and running, I'll be motivated to eat fresher foods and not crave oil dipped bread...chocolate...mmmm...chocolate. OK, so that will probably never happen, but it was still an excuse to indulge in things I really shouldn't be as often as I have been.
So now it's time to lose the excuses and put on my big girl pants, even if they barely fit. And if you are reading this, and you are relating to what I'm saying, it's time to put yours on too!
It's going to take little steps. If I attempt to go full force all at once, it's imminent to end in failure or disappointment. I made a batch of delicious vegan chili two days ago. I bought fresh organic produce to make awesome salads this week and even made my own dressing. I've increased my water intake and made myself go to bed earlier so far this week. It's working. I plan on running in the morning and getting out to the dunes on Sunday. Baby steps back to a healthier me and better fitting pants.
I had a patient tell me the other day that it made them feel better knowing that I was going through these feelings this winter just like them. My purpose in writing this is to admit I'm not 100% healthy 100% of the time. I'm completely human and I have my ups and downs just like everyone else. As I've said many times before though, it's not what happens to you that defines you, it's how you react to the situation that truly tells who you are. This has been a rough winter here in NWI for everyone. So let's rally together. Let's make sure we overcome whatever unhealthy damage we have done to ourselves these past few months and not let it consume us. It's never too late to be a healthier person! Sit down and write some goals for the next month. I've written mine below as an example. Keep it simple and keep it attainable.
Your health has no finish line. Keep on going, even if you have a set back. In regards to your health, it really is the journey that is most important, not the destination.
This week: Run Friday and Sunday Drink 70 oz water/day
Week 2: Run MWFSu Drink 70 oz water/day Make 3 homemade soups/dinners
Week 3: Same as week 2, eat salad for lunch M-F
Week 4: Same as week 3, do yoga 2 times.
Now it's your turn! If you want some accountability, go to Bozovich Wellness Facebook page and share your goals under the link to this post! Don't let this never ending winter beat you and your health goals!
Monday, January 27, 2014
I never imagined the outpouring of support I would get on Facebook before and after the race. It was overwhelming. I felt the love and support throughout the entire race and I feel so blessed that I had so many people cheering me on. I have no idea what caused me to start blogging about this very personal part of my life, but I'm so glad I did. I can't begin to know how to properly thank everyone. Thank you for sharing this journey with me and helping in turning many of those stumbling blocks into very important stepping stones.
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
#7 - Justine Helminiak - I'm pretty sure you are the energizer bunny and such an inspiration. Thank you for all of your encouragement. It has helped more than you know.
#1 - I don't talk about religion or my beliefs openly with many people. However, I will say that I believe in a higher power that is unexplainable. Whatever or whoever that power is, I am grateful for this beautiful, magical, amazing world we live in. I'm grateful for the ability to become who I am and for the ability to continue this training much longer than I anticipated. I'm grateful for the beauty I encounter on every single run outdoors. We don't have to live in exotic places to find those views which take your breath away. We have them, right here in NWI. Open your eyes, open your heart, and take in all that you have been given. It's all a gift that can be taken from you at any moment. I'm grateful for the ability to be able to do this. To run. To see. To thank those that have given me the gift of a life I love.