Thursday, December 31, 2015

Miracles Do Happen

As 2015 comes to a close, it's only fitting that this be my final blog post.  This blog started as a way for me to share my knowledge about health with other people. Over time, it became my outlet for my frustrations with infertility.  For those that have read my previous posts, you got a very up close and personal view of my emotions surrounding my desire for another child.  

Being told I had less than a 1% chance of getting pregnant again, Tom and I looked into adoption. We didn't share that with many people.  After two years, it didn't seem like it was going to happen and we were tired of holding on and feeling the heartache.  Somehow, along the way, it had put a wedge between us.  Infertility is a very lonely place and can have a very negative effect on your relationship if you are not careful.  

In February of this year, we decided being a family of three was our fate.  We finally let go of any hope.  Deep down, I still felt like our family was not complete, but I finally stopped "trying".  We started focusing on each other again and honestly....somewhere along the way, we fell in love...again.

 Marriage is hard. You have to work at it.  And if you are distracted by other priorities, it's easy to forget how much you love that person.  IF you're lucky wake up one day.  You realize how much you have been neglecting each other and you work at it again.  You smile again.  You enjoy each other's company again.  
You start living again.

By June, we were stronger than ever as a family.  Life was busy...but it was good.  

We were then blind sided with the greatest gift we could ever hope for.  We were asked to adopt a baby.  The birth mom came to us and asked if we would adopt her unborn baby.  She was due November 25.  

We spent a lot of time talking it over.  So many things could go wrong between June and November.  She could change her mind.  What if the baby doesn't bond with us?  There were a lot of questions and concerns.  Ultimately, we decided it was 100% worth it.

Lucas James entered this world on November 30 surrounded by a handful of people that love this little boy more than he could ever imagine.  The doctor handed him to me first and I was able to sit skin to skin with him on my chest.  He was perfect.  Ten tiny toes.  Ten tiny fingers with the longest nail beds I've ever seen on a baby.  Beautiful, pink skin.  Perfect, red lips.  When he cried, I lost any sense of control and let my own tears fall.  He was the missing piece.  My heart was full.  

Tom and Lyla were able to meet him soon after.  I don't think I stopped smiling that entire day.  Nothing will ever be able to take away the amount of joy I felt that day.  It was the greatest feeling I have ever experienced.  We had a son.  And he was perfect and loved and the most amazing gift. 

Luke has been home for about one month.  Newborns are tough, so I won't say it's been perfect.  But I wouldn't trade a second of it. Watching my daughter hug and kiss her brother brings me to my knees at times.  Watching my son fall asleep on my husbands chest as he lays on the couch softens every tense muscle in my body in an instant.  I've gone through so many emotions over the past month, but the greatest is joy.  Pure joy.  I've never been so incredibly grateful for anything in my entire life.  I want to pinch myself at times because I know what happened was a complete miracle.  The stars had to align in just the right way for everything to work out the way it has.  Life is so precious and so fast. You better believe I'm taking the time to enjoy every moment these days.  
Miracles do happen....
Luke is ours.

Photographs by Beth Fletcher Photography